I Love Steve Castro.

Why Do I Write?

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:35:13 GMT

I write because without imagining life outside mine, I am unknowing. I write because if I kept all my feeling bottled up inside of me, I would have gone crazy by now. I disguise my feelings in story and character because if people heard me directly say it, they would think me absolutely insane. I write because of the joy it brings me. There isn't a thing in this world that makes me happier. I write because I like to express everything I love, and because I'm much better at putting it down on paper than voicing it. I write because it's all I want to do with my life.

...

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 21:36:54 GMT

Call me Miep.

We refer to each other by our characters' names now. I pass down the hall and Mr. Frank screams, "MIEP!" while Anne yells, "PIM!" to get his attention and it's becoming so casual now, that I don't remember the last time Mr. Frank called me Nadia.

Anyway, we had a JSA meeting today. I am a bitch at JSA meetings. I realized that today. I'm so not myself; I called a kid out cause I've never seen him before. I think JSA is so much fun, because I love public speaking and debating and I'm a really good arguer, but I can never do it as a career. I used to really want to go down that road in life and be a diplomat or a U.N. representative or a trial lawyer, and major in political science or something, but I'm so unhappy with myself when I'm in that realm. I'm really good at it, but it brings out the worst in me. Those jobs bring in the most money, but if it makes me vicious, conniving, competitive, and angry, I'm not into it. I'm not into JSA as much as I used to be.

Anyway I have a list of things to do:
1) Listen to podcast for AP Spanish. You know you're in the 21st century when your assignment is to listen to a podcast.

2) Sentence outline for senior paper. Sing it with me: There's a moment you know...you're fucked.

3) Rehearsals

4) Study for Post-Impressionism Art Quiz

5) Math homework.

<3 nadia

Yankee Season Record

1-1

no fucking way.

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:46:05 GMT

I don't know what I did, but literally, half a page just deleted. Fan-fricken-tastic.

I started writing about my day off. I had no desire to wake up this morning, so I just went into my mom's room and asked if I could take a day off. She just mumbled, "Mmm-hmm," half asleep as I scrambled back under my covers to fall asleep again. She's pretty cool with that, seeing as that I'm a senior, an NHS member in one of our state's most competitive high schools, and a Rutgers 2012 accepted student who still for some reason, has to show up to school everyday. In order to graduate, I am required to pass English, Gym and Child Development. Yes, my grades in Child Development and Yoga ride on my graduating.

Anyway, I think there should be a rule that says, "If you have been accepted into college, you do not need to show up." If this were true I would have been done with high-school December 21, 2007 at approximately 2:30 P.M. when I logged onto the computer in Miss Mulvey's health class to discover that I was accepted to Rutgers. Best. moment. of. senior. year. It was probably the proudest moment of my life to date, being accepted to a top university like Rutgers, the number 59 university in the country, and 20th ranked state school in the USA. I get gitty thinking about next year.

Every senior in MHS and probably all around the country is getting pumped for college. They're all excited about moving away from home and how pretty the campus is and partying while I'm excited about learning. haha. Does that make me a geek? I'm genuinely excited to learn what I want to learn and finally focus on what I want to do with my life. I'm majoring in English. All my life, English has been the class I've always, "got." I just did. (I am excluding junior year, English III Honors, which I still did decently in but was really challenged because of the wonderful Mrs. Wilson) English is fun, it's interesting, it's engaging. It's my language and it's simple. I've always been the one to get passionate about the books we're reading in class while everyone else just kind of skims the words and sparknote it. This year, we had to read Demian by Herman Hesse, and to this day, I still testify that it was the most disturbing piece of literature that I have ever had to read in my entire seventeen years of living. Herman Hesse was a very, very, strange man. Yet, nobody else found it scary. There I was, in bed at midnight, reading this story about how a nice young boy named Emil Sinclair meets a boy named Max Demian who thinks Cain was the righteous one and fills Sinclair's mind with ridiculous ideas. It's not so bad until Emil goes to school, paints a picture that he thinks is so familiar, who he ends up falling in love with. He's so obsessed with this painting, and so in love, yet he can't realize why it's so familiar. Suddenly, he gets it: It's the face of DEMIAN. AHHHH. I closed the book and had trouble sleeping after that. It was utterly terrifying and so disturbing. I didn't want to open it after that. Meanwhile everyone in class is like, "It was just a painting..." Holy crap, he paints a picture, garners an obsession with it and falls in love only to discover the entire time it was the face of Demian!

My mother understood. She read Steppenwolf by Hesse and said it was pretty disturbing as well. Hesse's other novel that we read in class, Siddhartha, wasn't bad though, it was fairly normal.

I have rehearsals today again. Thus far, we've made progress but it's still awkward. I think that's always the case in the beginning of a play. Everyone needs time to engage themselves in their characters and then we all really start shining. It's so much fun though. It's absolutely hilarious to watch rehearsals. I love being in the shows and I love acting cause it's almost like a game. We paint a picture to the audience, hiding our true personas. We know so much that they don't know: who we really are, what we really like, what we're really thinking, etc. It's fun to just pretend for a couple hours with your friends. I don't think I could ever give up acting. For me, besides writing, nothing's more fun.

Anyway, I really have to work on AP Euro.
<3nadia

Yankee Season Stats:
1-0

first post

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:41:33 GMT

Wonderful, I finally have something to write in. I had a xanga back freshman year, and I love going back and looking at that thing; it's good to keep up with memories. I have practically every day of freshman year and Mr. Richey's class recorded on that thing. It keeps my memory, very, very vivid. Good times then.

The first thing one would probably be wondering is what the hell my title means. Jason Castro is my favorite Idol this season on American Idol, and while sleeping over at Katie's house last Tuesday night with Arya and Halley we were watching the show. I happen to say after gorgeous Jason Castro performs,

"I love Jason Castro."
"Steve," Arya replies.
"What?"
"His name's Steve."
"It's Jason."
"I could have sworn his name was Steve."
"No, it's Jason."
"THEN WHO'S STEVE?!"

I'm sure no one else is laughing at this as they read this but Arya, Katie, Halley and I were in stitches laughing our asses off for the rest of the night and the entire following day in the city as we replayed the scene in our heads. Honestly, why was she thinking his name was Steve? Anywho...

Mr. DePalma, my AP Euro teacher flipped out in our class today. He has these moments where he unleashes his anger after bottling it up and I honestly find it rather scary. Class starts with two girls discussing student council t-shirts after Mr. DePalma says not to, which leads to him picking up their paper about the t-shirts and then picking the second girl's water bottle. We still don't know why he did this. Anyway, she says, "THAT'S MY WATER!" And it was hers. She should say that. He took her water bottle for no reason. This is where he pauses, and then slowly his face grows red as he begins to scream, louder and louder and louder that he's sick and tired of all the disrespect.

"HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR PAPER!" he screams as he crumples it and throws it against the wall, like a mad man. "AND HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR WATER BOTTLE!" And he too chucks that, hard, against the wall.

Honestly, I like Mr. Depalma. He's one of, if not, my favorite teacher. He wrote my recommendation for Rutgers and Montclair and I think he's pretty cool. His temper just scares the shit out of me. I must admit, the whole class laughed about it...thirty minutes later...

I'm not taking the AP exam for Euro. Nor am I doing it for Spanish either. Kill me, before I take the AP Spanish exam. Please. I have never hated a class more passionately than Senora Baker's AP Spanish, Period 8/9 class. It is the worst 50 minutes of my day. Today we had an informal essay on "La Importancia de Arquelogico Para la Cultura." Honestly, I'm stuck on how to write an essay like that in English. Remember the days back in seventh grade Spanish when we were first learning how to conjugate verbs in the present tense? Not imperfect/pluperfect/conditional/past perfect/present perfect/subjunctive, etc, etc, etc. And how we wrote essays on stuff like, "Mi Familia" and, "Mi Vida Diaria." Not, "GLOBALIZICION!" y, "ARQUELOGICO!" I used to love Spanish. Every year of my life, I was an A student in Spanish. Spanish was my bullshit class. And now this year I've realized, all those years I thought I was good at Spanish, I really, really, really, sucked.

Anyway, I have rehearsal today. Scenes, 1-5. I'm in 3 out of the 5. And in the third scene, I say, "Ladies and gentlemen, it's done," and, "We're not heroes. We just don't like the Nazis as much as you don't." ....

Act II Scene 1 is my major scene. Si, yo tengo exidado. (Yes, I am excited). I genuinely love playing Miep.

I keep telling myself last period that when I go home I'm going to do the following and run a list of things through my head. I do this everyday and I never keep up with it. Today it was, "Start studying for Euro, go over your lines for rehearsals, and do your math homework." That turned into, eating two bowls of ice cream, two bowls of Finnish macaroni food that's supposed to be for dinner, and watching Full House and Kenan and Kel on the N. I'll do my Euro at rehearsals when everyone's running their other scenes and math when I come home. Or, I might do my math tomorrow before homeroom.

Anyway my sister called the house, telling me to call back on my cell phone "because it's free!"

...

<3 nadia